Lesbian Vampire Killers

Lesbian Vampire Killers is a 2009 British comedy horror film written by Stewart Williams and Paul Hupfield, produced by Steve Clark-Hall and directed by Phil Claydon.

Plot
Jimmy (Mathew Horne) and Fletch (James Corden) are two friends living in London, experiencing life problems. Jimmy is dumped by his unscrupulous girlfriend, and Fletch is fired from his job as a clown for punching a child. They decide to escape their woes and hike to a remote village in Norfolk that they find on an old map. As they arrive at a pub in the village, with Jimmy upset about Fletch destroying his phone, they see a number of attractive foreign female history students leaving.

Hoping to find more beautiful women inside, they are greeted by a morose crowd of men and approached by a seemingly crazed vicar (Paul McGann) who believes Jimmy is a long lost descendant of a local vampire slayer. As the barman offers the two men free ale as an apology for the vicar, they learn the students they saw earlier are going to a cottage - where they are to stay the night. Jimmy and Fletch pursue the students' van, catching up to it as the engine has broken down, and are introduced to four girls (Heidi, Lotte, Anke and Trudi). They are invited to join a party on the bus.

The group arrives at their destination, only to learn that a curse rests over the village and that every female child turns into a lesbian vampire on her eighteenth birthday. There is an old legend stating that the Vampire Queen, Carmilla, descended on the village during the night of a blood moon, killed its menfolk and seduced its women to her evil. When the ruler of the land, Baron Wolfgang Mclaren (Jimmy's great ancestor) returned from the Crusades, he discovered one of the women corrupted by Carmilla was his wife, Eva. The baron forged a sacred sword, then defeated Carmilla, but before dying, Carmilla cursed the village, adding that when the blood of the last of Mclaren's bloodline mixed with a virgin girl's blood, Carmilla would be resurrected.

Fletch and Jimmy spend the night with the women. Heidi and Anke are turned into vampires. After Lotte insists that the others try to find her missing friends, they witness Trudi being turned. Eva, Carmilla's mistress, tries to draw Lotte to her growing clan of lesbian vampires. The trio runs back into the cottage after killing Heidi and Anke and barricade themselves in after the vampires destroy the van. Jimmy's ex-girlfriend, Judi arrives at the door and Jimmy not ready to give up on the relationship, takes her into the bedroom. Lotte reveals to Fletch that she is a virgin and wants to sleep with Jimmy.

At the church, the Vicar researches the vampire slayer who killed Carmilla before arming himself and setting off to find Jimmy. Judi reveals herself to be a vampire, and after a struggle, Fletch and Jimmy kill her. The vampires approach the cottage and Jimmy inadvertently invites them in. Eva discovers that Jimmy is the descendant of the baron who killed Carmilla and that Lotte is a virgin and kidnaps them.

The Vicar saves Fletch from Trudi and tells Fletch the truth about the village and Jimmy's identity. They go after Jimmy and Lotte in the Vicar's crucifix-covered car. As the vampires prepare to sacrifice Lotte and Jimmy, Fletch and the Vicar try to recover the Sword of Dylldo, the sword that killed Carmilla, from the baron's tomb. While Fletch works to open the tomb, the Vicar checks on his daughter Rebecca, but does not notice that she has been turned. Rebecca attempts to seduce Fletch, who does not know what she is. When she attacks him, she is inadvertently impaled on the sword. Fletch decides not to tell the Vicar of his daughter's death.

At Carmilla's tomb, Lotte reveals her love for Jimmy. The vampires begin draining the two of their blood to resurrect Carmilla. With the sword, Fletch and the Vicar drive to Carmilla's tomb. When they enter the woods, they bring various weapons, but forget the sword. Despite not having the sword, the pair reach Jimmy and Lotte. The Vicar releases them, but not before enough blood gathers to resurrect Carmilla. The Vicar sacrifices himself so the others can get back to the car for the sword. Eva separates Lotte from the men, attacking and seducing her. Lotte fights back while Fletch and Jimmy fetch weapons. Lotte kills Eva with her cross necklace, infuriating Carmilla. Fletch tries to kill Carmilla before Lotte is turned, but is captured himself. Jimmy saves them by hurling the sword at Carmilla, piercing her heart and destroying her for good. With the curse lifted, the three survivors decide to continue ridding the world of evil.

The film ends with the shot of a "Gay Werewolf" howling before the full moon.

Cast

 * James Corden as Fletch
 * Mathew Horne as Jimmy
 * Paul McGann as The Vicar
 * Emer Kenny as Rebecca (The Vicar's Daughter)
 * Lucy Gaskell as Judi
 * Louise Dylan as Anke
 * Ashley Mulheron as Trudi
 * Tiffany Mulheron as Heidi
 * Vera Filatova as Eva
 * Silvia Colloca as Carmilla
 * MyAnna Buring as Lotte
 * Emma Clifford as Ms. Rossi
 * Margarita Hall as Daughter of darkness
 * John Pierce Jones as Landlord

Background
After several years in development hell, the project was picked up by director Phil Claydon. Claydon describes the film as influenced by Ghostbusters with a mix of Hammer Horror and Universal's monster movies. Referring to the special effects used in the film he said "I covered James in vampire gunk at every opportunity because that made me laugh", since the Vampires turn into slime rather than dust or bursting into flames like other vampire stories.

Location
It is set in Norfolk, based around the village of Cranwich which is portrayed in the film as Cragwich, but was filmed outside London on location at Luton Hoo in Bedfordshire and in Three Mills film studios in Bromley-by-Bow.

The film is a tongue-in-cheek homage to the classic Hammer Horror films and was originally slated to be the first "new" Hammer film. This did not come to pass and it was ultimately Alliance and Momentum Pictures along with AV Films who finally greenlit the project.

Critical reception
Reviews of the film were largely negative. It holds a 26% approval rating on review aggregator Rotten Tomatoes with an average score of 4/10.

James Christopher of The Times described Lesbian Vampire Killers as "profoundly awful" stating it is an "instantly forgettable lads' mag farce" and claimed the film was an "appalling waste of a perfectly decent title". Allan Hunter of the Daily Express called it "badly written and hastily executed" and "takes all the easy options of bad taste, bosoms and body fluids". Anthony Quin writing in The Independent gave the film 1 star out of 5, describing it as woeful and stating that Horne and Corden had "overstretched their appeal" and looked "in danger" of becoming today's Hale and Pace. Peter Bradshaw of The Guardian described the film as "mostly pretty awful, but there are one or two crass laughs."

The Sun gave it a positive review; Sun reviewer The Sneak gave Lesbian Vampire Killers (LVK) a rating of 3 out of 5 saying "other reviewers will undoubtedly say that LVK is another British comic flop but The Sneak won't be driving that stake into its heart." Similarly, Nicholas Yanes of Scifipulse.net found Lesbian Vampire Killers to be a great "B Movie" worth becoming a cult classic.

Whilst on the comedy panel show The King is Dead in September 2010, star James Corden commented that watching the film would be too harsh a punishment for prisoners being held at Guantanamo Bay and that it was "a pile of shit." He has since described the film as "quite embarrassing".

Awards

 * Best Film - Audience Award: 2009

Nominations
International Film Music Critics Association
 * Best Original Score For a Comedy Film: Debbie Wiseman - 2009

Release
Lesbian Vampire Killers was released on DVD and Blu-ray 3 August 2009. Momentum pictures claim retailers - including supermarket chain Tesco - demanded warning stickers be placed over the word "Lesbian". A spokesperson from Tesco said that although they did ask for a cover with less cleavage, they "did not suggest that they [Momentum] amend the wording".

In the United States, the film was released as Vampire Killers on 29 December 2009.

As part of its 12 Days Of Christmas free giveaway, iTunes made the film available to download for 24 hours on New Year's Eve 2009.